And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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