Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Floor bacon is actually really good
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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