And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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