marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
