what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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