I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
