Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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