I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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