We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
