i need an iv and a liver transplant
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
