I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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