are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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