Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize