My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
