maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
