This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
