her vagina looked like bernie madoff
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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