Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
