one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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