what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
