He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
