he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
