Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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