I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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