We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
