So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
