TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
