eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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