If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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