Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
