dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
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