Just fell off a train. Bad.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
