He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
