I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
