k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
