I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
