...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
