There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
