dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
