I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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