Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You made out with two different species that night
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
