Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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