I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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