Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
