I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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