Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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