:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
