my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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