Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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