pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
that is very illegal...i love you.
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