i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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