remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
