So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
