they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
