I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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