It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I can't turn off my feet"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize