i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize