I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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