You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
