the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
