Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
