My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize