How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
