is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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