Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
