I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
