She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize