Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
