Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
