So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
