I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
