iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
