You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just found puke in my bra..
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
