I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
