Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
