Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize
