nut hugger
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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