I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So many bounce houses so little time
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize