I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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