i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
