I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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