all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
