the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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