remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
