no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
