Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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