Say something about gay babies.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
