How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
