Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
