I must be too annoying 4 u.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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