I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
