I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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