I'm eating all of the evidence.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize