Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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