I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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