Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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