loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This is the high leading the old right now
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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