i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
