I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
