WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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