I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
