Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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