I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
