Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You ruined the universe
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
