Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
