I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
