do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize