Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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