it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
