Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
