apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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